02 March 2014

I'm going to get a little personal today on the blog. I felt like I had to share it on here, what I've been feeling lately. I graduated from Brigham Young University this past August, with a degree in Broadcast Journalism. Saying I loved my time at BYU would be an understatement. I am overly blessed with the four years I spent there. I can only say good things about how much I love my alma mater and my degree, they were truly the best four years of my life. I always believed that when I graduated everything would be better though, I thought my financial situation would be amazing and that I would be completely happy. And boy was I wrong. Now I look back thinking I had it so good while at school. 

I got a job right before I graduated doing Marketing for a local company here in Utah. I started beginning of August and the past seven months have been the hardest months of my life. This is probably so odd to say, because I am child of divorce, and I have gone through some really hard things in my life just like everyone else has. But I always thought that nothing could be harder then my parents getting divorced, or problems I had with my parents, nothing could be. Well things can be harder, and throughout the rest of my life they will be harder. I wanted to share my trial I have been going through because I felt like I had to share this with y'all, this blog of mine is a place I love to share fashion and beauty posts but its also my personal blog that I want to be able to share what has happened in my life or what is going on.

At the beginning of my full-time job things were okay, I was still in my "I just graduated college!!!!" high, but it all started spiraling down afterward. My work life was incredibly difficult, I was completely mistreated. I'm not going to say the things that were done to me on here, but they were extremely bad and it was making me depressed. And that's what was happening, my job was making me depressed. I feel embarrassed telling the whole world, that I have been dealing with depression, but I just feel like I have to. My life is far from perfect, and I don't want to make my readers feel bad thinking that I'm just another one of those girls who has a perfect life, or looks like it at least. 

Well at work, everyone seemed depressed, no one liked working there, but they all did because of bills. Its so sad to me that life is about that, and pretty much revolves around having to pay the bills. It just didn't sit well with me, I don't feel like money should affect our happiness. My work life, and the fact that I was depressed started seriously affecting my personal life. Most of you know that I am in a serious relationship. I have been dating Matt since I was 19, for about 3 1/2 years. He's my everything, and I love that boy more than anything. Living in Utah has been hard on me while I date him though, most people don't date very long before they get married here. I constantly deal with people harassing me why I am not married or why Matt won't propose. Matt and I understand our relationship and understand our timeline of how things will be done, but I still deal with people on a daily basis giving me a hard time about my relationship and how Matt should have already proposed to me. Its a huge trial I'm dealing with, and that might sound so silly but its hard to deal with people criticizing my relationship all the time. Well back to my work situation, because I was so sad at work, this feeling of people picking on me with my relationship would only make me feel worse. So basically it heightened everything going on. I also have gained about 15-17 pounds since I started working at my job, I would get home and be so sad that all I wanted to do was eat, sleep, or watch TV. It was seriously so bad. It was affecting my health. 

Sometime in January I decided that it wasn't healthy anymore, I couldn't keep working somewhere that was making me that depressed, that was seriously impacting my personal life. I wanted to find a new job, I started to look and apply, but nothing was working out. I had about 6 interviews with good companies, with amazing job opportunities, nothing was working out for me though. It started to get really frustrating, putting me down, making me feel like I wasn't good enough. I stopped looking for awhile. February came along, I still wanted to quit, but I couldn't find a good job, and I was stressed about not having money so I didn't quit. 

Well one day I finally decided that money isn't everything. As long as I have enough to get by, pay my bills, and live off of, then its okay. So I started to look for jobs, that didn't require a degree. This itself was another thing that was incredibly hard for me. I worked hard for my degree, it wasn't cheap, I had to pay for it myself, and I'm proud of my degree. So telling myself it is okay to find a job that isn't in my field and not a salary job was incredibly difficult. Well I found a good job, its not salary, but I'll make enough to live and BE HAPPY! I want to emphasize that, I am getting a job that I can be happy in. That's everything in this life, happiness, not money. This change is hard for me, but its something that needed to be done. My first day is tomorrow and I'm really excited. I just spent all last week moving to a new apartment, so life has been totally chaotic lately. And on top of that, Matt and I will move once he finishes school, so everything feels so temporary. Which also feels scary sometimes.

I just felt like I had to say that its okay to take a risk sometimes, especially if it means that you can focus on yourself and focus on being happy, we only get to be on this Earth once, and why not make the best out of it? Its all very scary for me, and its a really weird time in my life. I'm just trying to figure things out, figure life out. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy life. So the next couple weeks will be really weird for me, a lot of change is happening right now. I guess I just wanted to say that no one should feel held back because of money or something similar to it. I think its so important to focus on being happy, and being the best you. Sometimes sacrifices are needed to be made to obtain that happiness and we shouldn't let fear hold us back. So I guess I just wanted to say that even though change can be scary or risky, sometimes risks are needed to take to see the best things happen in our lives.

If you made it to the bottom of this post then props to you because I know this is way long. But thanks so much for reading and being such good readers! Y'all are one of the reasons I keep blogging, I love hearing everything y'all say and I really appreciate y'all!! xo


  1. Thank you for sharing this! Do what makes you is short!

  2. I couldn't agree with you more. Happiness is THE most important thing in life :) good luck on your new job! xo

  3. Thanks so much for this post! This really helps to put things in perspective. I'm graduating from BYU in Psychology next month (eeek!) and I can't even begin to tell you how DIFFICULT it has been to find something that utilizes my skills! I started interviewing at a bunch of consulting firms and offices, and not only did I not qualify, everytime I went in to interview, everything seemed so cutthroat, and it has been just recently that I have this really what's going to make me happy in the long run? Do i REALLY need 65,000 right out of college? This semester has been grueling, but I finally discovered that graduating single and having the entire world open to me, I have the ability to do ANYTHING that makes me happy! I still have no idea what my job is going to be at the end of next month when I graduate (still interviewing), and I don't know where I'm living, but everything's going to work out!! So glad to know that there are others out there going through similar experiences!! Thanks again :) beautiful blog by the way!

    xoxo Birdie

  4. It's really brave of you to share! Best of luck to you on your new journey. I know I'm working on many changes on the professional level and it's risky but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy. I'm sure months from now you'll see how this all worked out for the better.
    xo Adri

  5. love you girl! let me know how everything goes!